December 3, 2023 Birthday Countdown: Communication Without Words My son Cooper is nonspeaking. I know that’s a confusing classification. I even sometimes struggle to explain it. See when it comes to autism, and the spectrum you hear about, the waters are often muddy. He said his first word at age 8. It was mom. Now he says it no less than 50 times a day. But he couldn’t tell you his name under pressure or if he is in pain. He can’t use the phone but he can type the name of his favorite movie into YouTube. He loves using his hands to communicate. When he’s hungry he often plays a scene from Sid the Science kid that says…’I’m as hungry as a HORSE!’ On my birthday he finds the birthday episode of Dora and dances to it while holding my hands. When he wants us to know he loves us he plays the theme song to his favorite purple dinosaur and hugs us. Sometimes he uses a computer to speak. He presses buttons and an automated voice will say zoo or Santa or Grandma. He’s taught me that communication does not have to be verbal. He’s taught me to listen with more than my ears. This morning my son laughed. It was deep from his belly. He threw his head back and his eyes sparked and his hands danced. I asked him if he was happy or sad. HHH-A-PPP-EEE. He’s had a challenging few weeks. Changes with school. A medication change. A spike in anxiety of Christmas Eve and Santa and the leftover Christmas decorations. I noticed yesterday he seemed tired. Quieter. Staying close to my side. Suddenly an episode of Daniel Tiger saying he was sad on repeat on his iPad. Yesterday was a day of hugs. Snuggles. Cuddles. And movies. Belly laughs too when I could draw them out. He spent the day near me. Exactly where I needed him to be. And then this morning, at 4:45 am, he touched my face ever so gently. And giggles. In the dark. Unprompted. Laughter. Joy. Communication without words. He was back. When I think about autism, and its mysteries, I think about how much I have learned from this boy. Belonging to him. Being his person. It’s a gift I tell ya. To hear with one’s heart. Three sleeps until his birthday. 6 until his party. 10 presents and 5 balloons and 1 cake. And then a teenager. 13.
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