Girl age 3 autism or not *head is torn* 7 answers / Last post: 04/12/2023 at 9:40 am Hi everyone I have a 3 yr old, born right at the beginning of the lockdown UK and we live in countryside with no family around (husband has no siblings or parents and mine lives 5000 miles away) basically she is raised just seeing only two adults all life beyond lockdown as I didn’t drive for long to get her to toddler group or childcare. She only started pre nursery of only an hour a week when she turned 3 and she didn’t have separation anxiety, just enough sadness to say bye. She is still not talking, for some time I tried to introduce two languages but since she was not talking I changed and stuck to only one 🙁 . Pre nursery said maybe autism but the symptoms they listed was not there , could be a one off child toddler thing to do eg they said she flapped but then something was taken off her so she flapped banged hand once due to being upset almost like we adult just fling arm mid air so wasn’t quite flapping height when we talked of it in detail. Which I managed to gently ask while making conversation as I am a ever curious mama to know her behaviour at nursery. One hour a week did a lot of progress for one hour a week such as she called me mama during this stage but to others she is 3 and too many months to see the progress like her peers. Her life goes back to just being with us beyond this :(. Secondly, she is not talking yet and still sticking to one words mostly. When we ask her to look at us she looks fleetingly and smiles and looks away. When someone we meet in public is addressing her she is looking elsewhere all the time even when her name has been mentioned. But when we say maeve say bye she looks at them and says it. Her father feels she is not on spectrum but nursery says she might be. My head and instinct is all gone for a toss on this one and I am supposed to have patience and see how it unfolds as we have started the process of getting her assessed, but because the topic comes up now and then with others wondering and me as mama worrying what could I do to get her support on time to catch up. No matter what she is, whether asd or not it’s the time running out on getting her support although we can’t do much as we on waiting list but until then head being torn is not letting me decide what can I do until assessment. These are her concern areas: thanks everyone for reading the long post in case. 1-is not talking sentence but still stuck one word or two word 2- she was stuck on screen for Upto 10 hours please don’t scold me for this, I punish myself everyday every single day , those dark winter days and me freshly left home family to be with my man and no support and c sec and having to walk and do things around house with husband working hard at job relied on the baby sitter phone. Due to the screen time maybe? All her pretend play comes from the screen and words too. 3-she is not having any to fro communication be it verbal or gesture. She does come making eye contact to ask for things she want but we could not get anything else, how was school do you like this – to such nothing! 4-she is not interested in her peers she still parallel plays but no initiation or smiles or responds 🙁 5-she used to socially smile as a baby but now she doesn’t socially smile at all probably only to daddy and me. She isn’t afraid of strangers but just looks at them curiously and most times she doesn’t look when we talking to someone. Other than this I cannot think of anything else worth mentioning. So what do you reckon? Has anyone had similar signs in their kids and got diagnosed based on these? I am already treating her she might be (on contrary to daddy) although I battle everyday and it’s exhausting :(. Hi Jennifer, We’ve moved your thread into our drop-in clinic Baby and child health board, so you can get the advice and support you need. Hello Jennifer Thank you for your post. I am sure you will get some lovely support off other parents here that will help. Having a baby in lockdown was a completely different experience to how it would of been had we not been in an pandemic with all its constraints. I see effects of it most days in my work. Its really positive you have got your LO in Nursery. She can separate OK from you with just a momentary sadness, which shows she has a good motivation to do this, and to explore this new exciting environment. This is lovely for her, and much less stressful for you if she really found this transition hard. You have already got a referral in for her to assess her health and well being which is good. You are right, the waiting lists are very long so it will be a while until she is seen. In the meantime, have you had a conversation with the Nursery to see what they could offer you whilst she is in their care? Do they have access to extra support perhaps through Nursery Plus? The Nursery are there to support and help with your daughters early years learning journey, so it is very worth talking to them about your worries to see what they could put into place. The Nursery could refer her for Speech and Language support if they felt this was necessary, and also an audiology referral to check her hearing. If your daughter cannot hear well, her speech and responsiveness to sounds will be reduced. This could also be an explanation for her behaviour. Your daughter is under 5 years of age, so she still falls under the care of her Health Visitor. Your HV is a key person to help you explore the support she may need, and also help you access it at a local level – could you give them a call and ask for their support? Please do not feel any guilt for how things are right now. As parents we can only do our best with how we are feeling at certain times in our lives, so looking back and judging ourselves is never really helpful Jennifer. You won’t be judged here, this is a safe space to talk and I am glad you have reached out. If you feel you are isolated and perhaps feeling lonely, you may be interested to look into Home Start, you can read more about it here: https://www.home-start.org.uk/ I wonder do you have a Childrens Centre near your home? When you get chance have a quick google and see if there is? These are great places to link in with, and I am sure would be a place that could also be positive for your family. It is hard when you are not close to family for support, and it can really have an impact on how every days feels, so have a look at these links when you get chance, you can self refer 🙂 As for ideas of what you can do at home, there are many places to search for these on line, but a really good place to look is Cbeebies as they have lots of great contacts. You can start by looking here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/grownups/speech-and-language-difficulties I have given you a lot to think about, so once you have had chance to read, come back to us again and let us know what you think, we are here to listen. Best wishes Tracey HV I would say that not talking until age 3 is a sign of asd, BUT 3 is also young to get a diagnosis anyway. Maybe wait until she has started school and can model other peers behaviours? The other thing worth noting is that there is minimal support as parents for children with asd, so research research research. Do the things you can do to help her. I would say that not talking until age 3 is a sign of asd, BUT 3 is also young to get a diagnosis anyway. Maybe wait until she has started school and can model other peers behaviours? The other thing worth noting is that there is minimal support as parents for children with asd, so research research research. Do the things you can do to help her. Is there any SEN provision nearby that you could access with her. She may have sensory issues. Have a look at you tube for information on neurodiversity and sensory. There is alot of information out there. There are alot of groups on Facebook and they may have local groups. Talk to her alot and sing nursery rhymes and tell stories. The local library is good for groups and information. Lastly how approachable is your health visitor, they can refer you to local groups. Hi, I have a 3 year old girl born at the start of lockdown, I’m also a teacher. To give you some comparison mine now questions everything, corrects me, used complex sentences. Even just things like ‘Mummy look it’s a rainbow, rainbows are only made when it’s raining and sunny. I learnt that at school’. It does sound as though she may be autistic. That level of speech at that age is very concerning. Ok so the TV isn’t great but actually mine has and does watch more TV than I’m comfortable with too. I’d say from about 18 months-2 years she would mimic the TV. She would sing the songs from frozen. We actually found this improved her speech. Even with just the screen and her parents her speech shouldn’t be that effected. Also the eye contact is another big sign. Now she is 3 do you get the 30 hours childcare? 1 hour a week seems nearly pointless, by the time you drop her off you need to pick her up. The staff won’t get to know her that well nor she them. Mines in a school nursery and goes 5 days a week. She’s come in leaps and bounds academically in this time as she was a bit behind with her numbers and letters (possibly still is). Im not suggesting you send her that much but maybe 9-3 two to three days a week? It would give her chance to make some bonds with others. You have to be pushing this referral, doctors visits, pushing the nursery, getting paper work in on time. I teach in high school and seen far too many children who still have no diagnosis or help as parents weren’t driving the issue. It’s certainly not too late but you have to be on the ball with this. Firstly, please stop beating yourself up. Being a parent during covid was hard. And as a new parent with little suppor, it must have been very difficult. You are clearly a loving Mum so be kind to yourself. I don’t blame you for being confused, I think many parents are at that age because symptoms of asd can be vague. I don’t have experience of it myself but if I were in your shoes I would just keep doing as you are doing, and keep her on the waiting list for an assessment. She may just be a shy 3 year old with a speech delay because she hasn’t been socialised much, and she will catch up eventually. While waiting for assessment keep socialising her , practice gestures such as waving, clapping and talking to her as much as possible. I read some research recently that said screen time was not this harmful thing like we have been led to believe- so don’t be worrying you have damaged her, you haven’t. You’re a great Mummy, keep doing what you’re doing xxx
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