Invited to Play: ‘Do You Know Anyone With Autism?’

‘I’m sorry I’m crying…this is so unlike me. This has just never happened before.’

Those were the words I said to a fellow mom today. I didn’t know her. I just knew it was her children on the raft that my son Cooper was swimming out too.

It took me a second to catch my breath. My sunglasses hiding my tears.

See he’s autistic and doesn’t speak. And I get nervous that your boys won’t understand him.’

I went onto say that ‘My husband is swimming out there too. To tell them about him.’

She smiled. And told me not to worry. ‘It will be great,’ she said.

I walked back to where I could see.

Of course she couldn’t understand how huge this was. Twelve years. That’s how long I waited for this exact moment.

I watched my yellow haired boy swimming out. I watched his dad swimming behind him. And I tried to listen.

I heard a greeting. I heard him ask how old they were.

I heard small talk about baseball and football and hockey.

I held my breath. And felt relief as I watched my other son Sawyer cannon ball into the group. The protector. And Cooper roll into the center of the raft taking his place.

And I felt every emotion. Many contradictory. But isn’t that just the nature of life? Everything and all at once.

I watched for 25 minutes as they played. I could tell that Cooper didn’t quite understand the games they played but it didn’t matter. I could tell he was just so happy to be included. And in the middle of their chaos.

It’s funny how something so seemingly simple will be a core memory for me.

And I wonder if my boy Cooper taught these boys something. I’ll never know I guess.

As Sawyer and Cooper swam back, two brothers, side by side, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

And a glimpse of what could have been flashed before my eyes.

‘Mom! Did you see Cooper out there with us? It was amazing! Are you crying mom?’